Day Eight

Think.

Would you say you are living more of a bios life (just getting by day to day) or a zoe life (eternal quality of life in the here and now)?

I am currently living a bios life but I am slowly trying to live a zoe life.

Journal. 

What is it about the quality of your life that you wish were different? Describe what it is about zoe (described in chapter seven) that you wish you had. 

Because of my situation right now I am more wishing for a bios kind of life.LIke I am living off my mom who works full time and so does my dad so there is no one who can watch my children while I work. I wish I could provide for my children but I am not able to. I ask for God to help my ex find a job so I can get my child support and put my kids in preschool and then provide for them while I work. I wish I could have a zoe life but my situation doesn’t allow for that so for now I am living day by day, a bios life.

Pray.

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the possibility that with you I could start over again.”

 

Day Seven

Think.

What things make you say, “I wish I could start over”?

When I decide to take bold but stupid moves. And Men, men make me wish I could start over.

Journal.

Describe your biggest regrets and the areas of your life today where you know things could and ought to be better.

My biggest regret currently is not listening to my mother. I should have listened to her about a boy and because I didn’t he used me and abused me before he left me with two little girls while he went to seek a younger girlfriend who would give him what he wanted.

Pray. 

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the possibility that with you I could start again.”

Awakening To Regret

This is what the LORD says—

he who made a way through the sea,

a path through the mighty waters,

who drew out the chariots and horses,

the army and reinforcements together,

and they lay there, never to rise again,

extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

“Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because I provide water in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chosen,

the people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise.

-Isaiah 43:16-21

This is found on Page 175 of Finding Your Way Back to God by Dave Ferguson and Jon Ferguson.

Day Six

Think.

How does the world’s inability to satisfy your deepest longings make you want God more?

For me at least it really all goes back to the question of “is there more” and “This can’t be it”.

Journal.

Describe how dissatisfaction and desire have moved you along in your search to find God.

It’s that weird fear of being alone and even though you’re okay with it really you do want someone there with you. Really you don’t want to be alone. And that loneliness is what I want to fulfilled. I don’t want  raise my children alone. I don’t want to be alone. I want someone by my side despite how tough and strong I am.

Pray. 

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the ability to see that you are what’s missing from my life.” 

Day Five

Think.

What are some of the hard things in life that have made you cry out in anguish, “Why, God? Why would you allow this to happen?” 

Well the first thing I can think of attacks from the terrorist groups such as Isis or Al Qaeda. I still remember 9/11/2001 here in America and now the Attacks in Paris. Like why would God allow all that tragedy to happen. Then I think of things closer to home such as children being killed or animals being abused. Another one that hurts is school shootings.

Journal.

If hardships and injustices have contributed to your sense of distance from God, describe how that has come about. If they have fueled your desire for God, describe that too. 

You know for me this topic doesn’t really pull my desire to reach towards God or pull away from him. The only thing I want from all of this is to know why. Why does God allow to happen? But I don’t get angry at him I get angry at the people who made the choice to do it. As for family, I have lost family yes but I’m not angry about it or I don’t grief about it. I let it go. I accept it. I firmly believe in moving on and not lingering on the past. I cannot afford to look towards the past.

Pray.

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the ability to see that you are what’s missing from my life.”

Day Four

Think.

Would you say that your life has a fulfilling purpose?

In a sense kinda yes

Journal.

If you would answer yes to the question above, identify your life’s purpose. If you would answer no, describe the desire you feel for greater meaning and purpose. How does this desire motivate your search for God?

Currently my life’s purpose is to raise my two little girls to be more like me and unlike some of these other entitled spoiled brats of my generation. I want my girls to grow up knowing how hard life really is and how hard work does pay off. I want them to know that life doesn’t have handouts and that you need to work to make it. I don’t want to do things because they think they are entitled to it. But I know I can’t do this alone and through prayer and God I know that I will be able to teach them this.

Pray.

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the ability to see that you are what’s missing from my life.”

Day Three

Think. 

What have been the high points and the low points in your quest to find love?

I have way more low points than high points. My low points have always been that guy after guy after guy none of them liked me in return. It was like that all throughout high school, and middle school. Then in college I finally found a guy that I liked that liked me in return but he was a bad guy. He only used me and then left me with two little girls and now is on the run to avoid child support payments. So my high point became my biggest low point.

Journal.

Write down your answer to today’s “Think” question, then describe why you keep on looking for love. Be sure to include your longing for God’s love.

Since I already wrote down my think question answer I’m just going to describe why I keep looking love. I keep looking for love because secretly no matter how strong I pretend to be or how happy I pretend to me I really do want someone good to adore me and be a good father figure to my little ones. I want someone there to help me with my girls I don’t want to raise them alone. But since going to Eastside Christian Church here in orange county California, I have seen God’s love through other people who are helping me with my girls.

Pray. 

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the ability to see that you are what’s missing from my life.” 

Day Two

Think.

How has your life disappointed you, leaving you saying, “There’s got to be more”?

For me it has happened several times. There were several points in my life where I have thought is there’s gotta be more. But I have to say the biggest event was after my parents divorced and I was sitting in a class at my high school lost in thought thinking what now? now what happens? What’s going to happen to my things? and all these thoughts but the final one was, “There’s gotta be more out life right?”

Journal.

Record a few of the bigger disappointments in your life. Also, describe your longing for something more or something better to come in the years that still lie ahead for you.

Bigger disappointments: Not being able to ever stay in a stable relationship. realizing that I’m alone raising two little kids alone. I long for the day I can work and provide for my children. I long for the day when I can selfishly have a life that isn’t surrounded by two little children all the time.

Pray.

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the ability to see that you are what’s missing from my life.”

Day One

Think.

How did you Forget about God?

It wasn’t so much forgetting him as it was giving up on him. In the back of my mind I always knew he was there.

Journal.

In a notebook or on your computer, write a brief history of how you grew distant from God (if in fact you ever felt close to him in the first place). Describe how you feel about God right now and why you want to find him.

God was not talked about a lot in my household and despite growing up in Catholic School, I never really felt like I knew God it was all about routine to me. I can honestly say though I never forgot about him I knew he was always there but I did give up on him my freshman year of high school.

Pray.

“God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the ability to see that you what’s missing from my life.”

Awakening To Longing

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, my God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food

day and night,

while people say to me all day long,

“Where is your God?”

These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go to the house of God

under the protection of the Mighty One

with shouts and joy and praise

among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

~Psalm 42:1-5

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This is on Page 168 in the Book: Finding Your Way Back to God by Dave Ferguson and Jon Ferguson